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BALI Beautiful & challenging & lonely & kind & mysterious & rich with blessings locked inside intricately ornate boxes. I am being tested and teased and flooded with dreams begging me to remember that I am blessed. Nothing will kiss me until I remember this. All these riches lie at my feet, and I may have none until I remember that they all already belong to me. That is my seemingly impossible task after years of so much sorrow. I am blessed. Yes. We all are blessed, but have

This year, I get two birthdays. Today is my birthday on this side of the world, and tomorrow America will catch up. Last year, I ate cold leftover soup alone and cried myself to sleep. This year, there will be plumeria, cocktails, and candles. I will be tan, and Lilith will sing me Happy Birthday over gluten and dairy-free deliciousness as we watch the sun set into a warm ocean. A very full year of the most radical change. But, has it only been one week since we embarked on t

The tears come at the strangest time. Mr Incredible lies to Elastagirl about where he’s going. At airport security I flash to the last time we were at SFO... and waited for our ride that never came. I overhear someone mocking her own 'daddy issues'. Lilith falls asleep, & I weep like I’d been desperately waiting for the opportunity behind my own back. My mind has been racing since May. Most of the time, I don't often even notice the ‘sad’, but I know it creeps in there. It

We leave in 9 days. Exactly 6 moons after he died. I'm sitting with a lot of big feelings. Excitement, fear, doubt, disbelief, avoidance, surrender, sadness, anxiety, hope, insignificance, grandiose importance... I recognize that all of these are just bubbles sitting on top of my grief. Grief is the ship. Grief is the reason for it all. Grief is the question and the answer. I am in service to my grief so that it does not destroy me. And I am grateful. My fierce rebellion